Overheard at the Birthday Dinner

Mom: I banished your father from the kitchen.

GPG: Why?

Mom: You know how he is! Paella is supposed to be cooked more like Mexican rice than Puerto Rican. And if I let him in here, he'd get his hands in everything. I've been comparing recipes for days figuring out how to make it right. I'm not going to let him ruin it.

Dad: *sulks*

GPG: Aw. It's your birthday, Dad. You shouldn't be cooking anyway.

Dad: *staring at the simmering rice dish* You know, you should...

Mom: Shush! I've done the research! I know what I'm doing here.

Baby brother: Dude, Mom is now Tom Cruise!