Overheard over Thai

I have a client who is friends with a former president. I shared this story with the girls while we were having dinner together the other night.

I also happened to be wearing a blue dress at the time. That I apparently spilled something on.

GPG: Does this look like a white spot to you? I can't tell in this light.

Krazy Mommy: Now she thinks she's Monica Lewinsky, all because she has a connection to Bill Clinton.

La Ria just laughed. KM is so funny.


All Work and No Play

I had an all day event followed by an all night event today. I've been on my feet for nearly 14 hours. It's awesome.

What's also great is how my subconscious decided to remind me what all was going on in the city tonight. I had a dream that we were at the hotel for tonight's event with a bunch of young guys hanging around wearing college basketball jerseys. And that's when I remembered that the
NBA Draft was today!! Who needs a blackberry when you get your reminders in your sleep?

As I drove past Staples Center, there was a huge party gathering, hosted by the Clipper Nation. I got my invite several weeks ago, but already knew I was otherwise committed. I sadly looked the other way and made my way from event #1 to event #2. Fuck, it was a long day.

And Kevin Love went to Memphis? Ironic, don'tcha think? I do have to give Chicago credit for snagging Derrick Rose. That kid is unstoppable. As
Love will tell you.


The Death of Funny

Who had George Carlin in the celebrity death pool? I certainly didn't.

It fucking sucks that he's dead. "Fuck" being one of the seven words he turned into legal history. You can read the rest

My favorite one of his jokes was about praying to the Empire State Building. I heard him do it on one of the late night shows, and how your prayers are just as likely to be answered by the ESB than by God. Who maybe we should now refer to as ESB because that's equally funny and offensive.

R.I.P Mr. Carlin.

Russert and Carlin in the same week. Who's next?


Drowning in Male Musk

I despise scented body products. I don't want to smell like fruit or flowers, I just want to smell clean. So I go out of my way to buy unscented deodorant, body wash and lotion--or they're at least as unfragrant as possible.

But I ran out of my standard Olay Quench, so I tapped into a couple products I received for my birthday. Obviously they were from people that don't know me very well, otherwise why the hell would you give me stuff that smells like a goddamn flower garden?

Anyway, I didn't have much of a choice today. I opted for the
Japanese Cherry Blossom lotion. It comes in a pretty red tube, at least.

Guess what? It doesn't smell like cherries or flowers. It smells like aftershave. For men. A cheap one at that.

I smella like a man. (Whoever can guess which Mad TV character I'm trying to channel here wins a million bucks. Not really.)

This is more irritating than that sour guava/grapefruit combo softsoap has.

It's gross.


Overheard in the Family #15

My baby brother has apparently been reading my blog lately. He emailed me today to say it's hilarious. Yay, I made him laugh simply recounting conversations we've had! So I decided to feature him and the Shambot some more. This one is especially offensive, but we laughed so hard, I can't not share. Also, I've never worried about offending anyone on here, so why start now?

We had the baby brother's birthday dinner at a nice restaurant on Coronado Island. The weather was lovely and the food at was quite delicious.

Instead of family-style dining, we usually all order something different and take liberties eating off each other's plates. It's the best way to go. I was torn between bacon-wrapped shrimp and bacon-wrapped filet mignon, but my brother went for the steak so I opted for the shellfish.

Of course, we never let the opportunity to make religious jokes in truly poor taste slide. Which is why this happened:

Baby Brother: Babe, you want some of my steak? Or is Allah going to be mad?

Shambot: Yeah, give me some. I think He'll be more mad at me because of the whole out-of-wedlock baby thing.

GPG: Do you have to fly yourself into a building now?

Even my parents laughed. We are all going to hell!


Go Boston!

KGAnd now, we wait a long time for football to start. L'sigh.

I've got to get into soccer...


Overheard in the Family #14

My baby brother's birthday and first father's day was this weekend. In order to maximize the partying, I took the train down on Friday night. No traffic, no misery, just a great view of the ocean for most of the way down.

Usually, the Shambot and I gang up on the poor guy. But since it was his weekend, we ganged up on the Shambot instead. Because she can take it as hard as she dishes it out, this is usually a lot of fun.

Except when they ganged up on me. I got carded at the tequila bar. My baby brother did not.

Shambot: Take it as a compliment.

Baby brother: Yeah, you're old. But at least you don't look it.

GPG: I'm not old.

BB: Dude, you're THIRTY.

GPG: You guys keep thinking that's an insult, but it's not.


GPG: It's an accomplishment. You don't know what I did in my twenties. I'm lucky to have made it this far.

Shambot: You were a whore, weren't you?

GPG: Hey, at least I didn't get pregnant!

That pretty much shut the Shambot up. But we all knew it was just fun and games. Because Baby Aladdin is totally awesome.

Then we went home and played Grand Theft Auto IV. I forgot how much fun shooting people in the face can be!


Pulling Back the Curtain

I met one of my readers last night, Dan of a blog I can't link to because you wouldn't be able to read it. But that's okay.

Dan's assessment of me, if I understand correctly, is that I come off a lot sassier and with an edge here at Exxy HQ that I don't necessarily display in public. He did actually say that I'm a lot friendlier in person than in print.

I found that interesting. My explanation is that I use this as my forum to vent almost completely uncensored and my inner thoughts, when woven into what I hope is more entertaining than plain garbage thrown out on the internets, come out a bit more bitingly than what I might vocalize in person.

So lets take a poll:
- For those of you who know me, am I indeed what Dan proclaims: nicer in person?
- For those of you who only know my online persona: what do you imagine me to be like in person?

I'm really curious about what y'all have to say about this...


The Height of Contentment

Talk about a successful weekend. In list form:

1. Enjoyed a hot stone massage
2. Cat napped, both days
3. Vamped on the red carpet
4. Ignored the ex-boyfriend's attempts to use his son as a reconcilation point
5. Told a queen to quit his bitchiness
6. Got him to take our picture
7. Chinese food, yum
8. Read an entire book
9. Ignored the Lakers
10. Ignored the Dodgers
11. Guacamole, yum
12. Carne asada, yum
13. Ignored the gym
14. Rum-soaked chocolate, yum
15. Was not mistaken for Persian again
16. Bought three new dresses
17. Red wine, yum
18. Posted 3 new galleries to my website

But mostly I laid around my house and did not a fucking thing. That was the best.

And now, to start the week...


Hurting from Head to Toe

My brain aches. I spent last night drinking cocktails while the feds looked on. One showed me his gun. Have I mentioned how much I love me some cops?

And by gun, I mean his .40-caliber Glock, not whatever he's packing inside his pants. But maybe we'll get to that.

4 cocktails + 3 hours in 3-inch heels = hurty feet. And a slight hangover. I followed that up with a day at the tradeshow. In 3-inch wedges.

Have I mentioned I'm retarded? At least I didn't drink today. The one wine vendor had his permit pulled. So he couldn't serve me alcohol, no matter how badly he wanted to.

Tomorrow there's the rooftop party. More cocktails!

But maybe I'll just show up in flats.


I Hate Myspace

And yet I've spent the last 30 minutes updating pictures, responding to comments, leaving some for people with birthdays.

Before this, I hadn't signed in for a good 3 weeks...and back then it was only to see who was leaving me birthday comments. And also for pics of Baby Aladdin.

Ugh. Who am I?


May by the Numbers

I love May. Not just because of my birthday, but there's also a sense of giddy anticipation floating in the air. Spring is here, summer is just around the corner, and it always feels like I'm getting into my groove again. It's a great time of the year.

3 weekends with the adorable Baby Aladdin
2 events with the adorable feds
4 birthdays celebrated
134 combined years reached
1 new promotion to work towards
1 horrible dream about messing up my presentation
20 minutes before technical difficulties did actually screw it up
5 mortifying minutes trying to get tech support to fix it
20 very understanding attendees
4 personnel changes
3 days planning for contingencies
1 very exhausting round of chess
1 round of completely surprising text flirting
32 years of scotch promised for the next date
3 hours networking
40 mostly socially inept individuals
1 excitable criminal defense attorney
9 months of planning culminating into one afternoon
1 bomb-sniffing dog in attendance
22 cowboys in attendance
2 cowgirls
370 other guests
1 forced karaoke experience
1 duet with the Shambot
4 songs done by my parents
1 entertaining family battle of the singers