Detoxification
I've taken such a beating in the last month that I've decided to change up a few things. First off, I've stopped eating.
Well that's a lie because God made cows so we could enjoy juicy steaks, and who I am to argue with God? I've just decided not to eat for the next 5-10 days, depending how long I can subsist on lemonade.
That's right, I'm doing the lemonade fast. Just like every other person you know.
Why? Because my life is so horribly out of balance that all I do is spend my time screaming at people while my stomach screams at me.
In a related story, I had my stomach lining photographed on Friday. It was the best sleep I've ever had. Anesthesia is made from the best drugs on earth. And also, no ruptures in the lining, which is great and just means that all those awful stomach aches are stress-induced.
Lovely. My body hates me. It's time to take drastic action. Hence, nothing but spiked lemon water till next weekend. Clean out the system, regulate my psyche, blahblahblahnewageshit.
You're supposed to do this crazy thing for 10 days, but I figure if I can stick it out for 5, that's a good start. Plus, I'm doing this on Saturday, so I kind of want to be able to eat pretty soon afterwards.
Wish me luck. Today was Day 1 and while it wasn't horrible, I also didn't do much other than sit home, watch the foosball, and knit. Tomorrow I have to work, which means I have to stress.
We'll see how this goes.
Well that lasted all of almost two days. It turns out that when you have stomach problems, citrus drinks aren't all that great. And when you need have a job that demands 110% of all your mental faculties, starving your system isn't the most fabulous of ideas. I don't know how people with real jobs like brain surgeons and trapeze artists would pull this off.
So at 6:35 pm, I had a Balance bar. It immediately made my tummy hurt, but then my headache disappeared and I commited to going back to solid food.
I'll save detox for when I'm on vacation and don't have to think, or command, or be "on."
Yeah.
4 comments:
Good luck! My tummy is currently screaming at me too. I'm thinking about doing a colon cleanse.
BC: Thanks! Today has been incredibly difficult. Mostly because work is so mentally taxing that I'm falling apart. I really want a Taco Bell burrito right now. Not that it would solve anything, but it's a hell of a lot better sounding than spicy lemonade.
Woody: that is equally brilliant and evil. I might just do that.
Stomach problems? Yi!
My chemistry teacher used to each chalk... swore by it. If you can't find chalk maybe you could chew some of those Popeye cigarettes, do they have those in LA?
Personally, I am using some acid reducer to help, but in reality, I had to cut down on the bourbon :) Hope you get yours under control.
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