Interview with a GPG, Part 2

Yesterday I introduced you to the voices in my head. They're bitchy. Kind of like yours truly, but multiple times over. Picking up where we left off, Part Two of the Mental Inquisition:

Are you done pouting?
This is like a bad episode of Herman's Head.

There were no GOOD episdoes of that show.
True.

Can we continue?
If you must. Clearly I'm not getting any sleep tonight. Which is just as well, what with these nightmares I've been having lately.

Speaking of nightmares, what is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
I woke up from a nightmare the night I watched Event Horizon. But that's okay. I love scary movies!

Most people are too sissy to properly enjoy them.
We should round them up and poke them with sticks.

Agreed. Now, back to our questions. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution. What's your last meal?
Oh, did I get caught spying? That sucks. Okay, food....albacore sushi, hummus, and tequila. That way I won't feel whatever it is they're gonna do to me.

You're going to get drunk before you face the executioner?
You got a better plan?

That's actually not a bad idea. What's the worst way to die?
Anonymously and/or in vain. Or, painfully. I'd like to either be drunk, stoned or asleep, so I don't feel it.

Now who's the sissy?
Dude, it's DEATH.

Whatever. Before you die you want to...
Bungee jump off the bridge in Lourdes. And fuck an Australian. And an Eastern European. Preferably at the same time.

Nice. What about the Greek manservant?
He can watch. Bring us refreshments as needed. And towels and such.

You have some imagination. So if you were an animal, what kind would you be?
A big, ferocious tiger.

Somehow, that's completely fitting.
I want one as a pet too.

You really are crazy.
Point?

Taken. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently.
Man, there are so many useless ones. How about West Virginia? You never hear anything good coming out of there.

What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
Kansas City, Missouri seems quite inviting.

Because you can buy nunchukas there?
Oh, you know me so well! Why are you even bothering with these questions?

Actually, we just read your blog.
That's retarded.

We know.
So what isn't in the blog that you want to know?

Toy you always wanted but never got as a child?
An Etch-a-Sketch. They're so cool!

Favorite holiday?
Whichever ones take people OUT of town, so there's no traffic on the freeway. Like Labor Day, Christmas, or the Jew Day.

The Jew Day?
Go read Random Acts of Genius.

He has a crush on you.
Who doesn't? That's why I had to put a warning on the blog. Too many boys with the crushes.

He's currently asking what the worst thing you've ever done at work is.
I almost had sex at work. On the boss' desk. With the Swede. Oh damn, that was a fun weekend.

But you didn't do it?
I was afraid the cleaning crew was going to walk in.

What a waste.
Yeah, the Swede was incredibly hot.

You don't even like the Scandanavian set.
I made an exception.

Good call.
Word. Vikings are hot.

Your readers are going to get bored with this line of questioning.
That's because you're not asking anything anymore.

Okay, lets take a break. We'll regroup tomorrow. Try not to fuck anyone at work in the meantime.
You don't let me have any fun!

***

More tomorrow? We'll see.