New Aspirations
I've decided I want to become an international spy. I need to get a passport anyway, and also I can't find my social security card. So if I have to get new ones, I might as well start faking it from the get go.
My work nemesis The Jungle Boy (so named because his office has more plants than the Amazon) suggested I stick to an ol' American passport. His reasoning is that international spy tracking agencies would never suspect falsified American papers from an actual American. And though he may have a point, he is a villian after all, so his suggestions are treated with the appropriate amount of suspicion.
Here's why I would make a good spook:
- The funny coloring I have makes it difficult to tell if I'm Latina or Persian or something in between. The Valley girl accent can easily be mutated into lower class East LA Spanglish (though not for extended periods of time), making people underestimate me.
- I'm good with knives and other pointy objects, but clumsy. Which could be a bad combination, if it wasn't so disarming in its oxymoronic nature. I'll confuse the bad guy with my mad crazy skills, and then...stab!!
- I can kickbox, which will make me a natural in ninja training. I wanted to buy myself some nunchakus, but the damn things are illegal in California (and Massachusetts, New York, Canada and Australia. Dude, civilized people don't get to have ANY fun!), so anyone out there in not-these-places wanna help a girl out?
- I'm good in bed, which will come in handy when seducing male adversaries. Or female adversaries, should the situation call for it. I've never been above using my feminine wiles to get what I want, so I might as well go with what I know.
- I've always wanted to travel. Originally I wanted to do it to take pictures, but taking out the enemy is almost as good a reason.
- I know the difference between right and wrong. And it belongs to whoever is the highest bidder.
I'd be so damn good at this! In preparation, I'm going to spend my weekend watching episodes of La Femme Nikita and also training for the marathon. Because a good spy needs to have stamina too.
14 comments:
um, now I have pictures of stripey-legged girl-on-girl action in my head.
thanks :)
Skooky, I have a job now! Don't you remember, I was only wearing them until I was gainfully employed again. So my legs are naked again.
But I could don them, if asked nicely.
ya know, many spys have to take pictures of secret documents
very few people remember, but austin powers was a photographer in the movies. he used that job as a cover for being an international man of mystery.
Would you, perhaps, be interviewing for a partner in crime? It would make the spygame{comment edited by international federation of spy chicks}...
I've been keeping an eye out for you to visit, see what comments you might have to offer. As you already know, I'm not above making the first move. ;-) That is how we got here...isn't it.
Until next time.
Exile: just when I think I've set it up for you, SJ came and stole your thunder and now here you are giving practical advice. Who are you and what did you do with my favorite pervert!
K60: I work alone. Though a good-natured rivalry is not to be dismissed.
I'll comment when I understand what you're saying.
Aww you work alone, I figured you as a photographer and me as one of your whores well we could take over the world :) besides it would make things pretty interesting ;)
Spies are hot and I have a strange feeling you would elevate that status.
If you are serious, I can totally hook you up with two sticks and a chain.
Princess: we can go to training camp together, probably.
Jack: I am serious. Lets talk.
H. Wood: the where and how are top-secret. I can't talk about it.
H Wood: They make very festive hair ornaments. I'm told.
Okay well I have military training :) So I think I would be a good asset to your Spy network
They have all those mercenaries nowadays, especially in Iraq. I bet they need spies. Not sure how you get signed up, though.
Actually, you can have nunchuckas in California if you are a black belt in a martial art that uses them. A friend of mine in high school was a black belt in three different martial arts and got to carry around his nunchuckas in the trunk as long as they were in a sealed box. Just like the gun laws. No Joke!
Sandra, do you work for the government???
Princess: I will call on you as my needs dictate.
DNS: The CIA is actually recruiting at the moment. I kid you not. I saw a commercial on TV the day after I posted this!
BS: so all I have to do is get a black belt and it's all cool? That shouldn't take forever! (But thanks for the tip.)
{Laughing} I commented above that I was looking for your comments - that I was not above making the first move...
I visited your site which is what led to the link exchange. I came to comment - as you shouldn't ask of someone what you will not do.
Playful rivalry; that sounds like a great spy game.
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