Getting Personal

These eHarmoney commercials irritate the crap out of me. To believe that all these nauseating couples are perfectly matched makes me want to break my television. They really need to have one of those "results not typical" tags at the bottom of the screen. Because, come on.

"Ooh, I just knew he was the one, and eHarmony took all the guesswork right out of it!" Blahblahblahbullshitcakes. And the creepy old guy pitching the whole thing? Ick.

I write a blog that broadcasts all sorts of shit about me that could serve as the world's most convoluted personal ad, but to pay for these services seems lame. And desperate.

Though a coworker and I did a search for midgets on Yahoo! Personals once. Because...well, doesn't everyone do that?

My ex apparently was on J-Date. He admitted this to me while we were together. Claimed a friend had put the profile up for him a long time ago, that he never used it, didn't even know his logon info. It still unnerved me. One, he never struck me as the type to actively search out Jewish women (full disclosure: me not Jewish!), so that was weird. And two, him having a dating profile while he was decidedly not single? That's supposed to be okay?

Well, he's having sex right now and I'm not, right? I guess everyone needs a back-up plan.

My friend and I used to joke about what our respective ads would say. Like when we came across a memorable quirk in an otherwise dismissable character, the response was "that's going in the personal ad!"

I'm not going the online dating route. I just can't. Also, no free time, me. But if I was to set up an online profile, what should it say?

SHF seeks sensitive, disease-free rockstar-type to play my manservant. Greek heritage, long hair, and tattoos preferred.

That pretty much sums it up. But I'm open to other ideas. Go.