Fresh Prince Gets Moat

My freshman year of college was spent in West Philadelphia. I thought I was hot shit for moving 3000 miles away to go to school. Then I got there and almost immediately changed my mind.

That city blows.

There are more pigeons than people in Philly. Pigeons that shit on everything. They're so numerous, you have to literally kick them away to move along the sidewalk. Those fuckers will not fly away!

Someone should feed them rice.

And it's creepy too. Benjamin Franklin invented discovered electricty, but they won't use any to light their streets. That's how people get stabbed! (Oh, a professor was stabbed to death on campus one night. You can bet my parents were so excited I went there instead of that nice school in Westwood upon hearing that news.)

Also, customer service is a non-existent philosophy in that town. Teenagers are assholes no matter where you go, but in Philly it's almost like they're actively trained to be rude as hell.

One thing I will give that town is its cheesesteaks. Best ones could be found at Billy Bob's on 40th and Spruce. Sadly, it burnt down not long after I left. Damn, those cheesesteaks were good.

All that is null and void now, since it could very well end up underwater. The radioactive Schuylkill River is ready to drown that big historical mess like a modern day Atlantis.

And I thought we were having shitty weather, with that freak thunderstorm the other night and the yellow skies lately. I don't remember the last time it rained in June in LA.

But what about the pigeons? Think they can swim?