The Jaked Effect

I've always loved the name Jake. It's just so damn cool. And you know what else is the embodiment of cool? Guitar players.

In college I met a man named Jakey. Who played the guitar. In a soul funk band. He had tattoos. And nice lips.

I had fun with Jakey.

He's married now, but I'm pretty sure his wife will forgive me this story. She's a sweetheart after all.

Anyway.

There's this face that guitar players make when they're in the middle of a solo. All of them, with few exceptions, scrunch their faces up in stern concentration, like they're racing towards an orgasm. Much like when they're having sex!

(I've done empirical testing. Trust me on this. "I've done the research!")

So, I took to calling this face the Jaked Face. As in, "he's getting Jaked." Much like getting naked, since seeing a musician on stage is the same thing as eye-fucking them.

It's much better up against a car at 4 am on some Los Feliz side street, but I digress.

ALL of THAT backstory is because I'm watching this run of "Brilliant but Cancelled" tv shows on Bravo, one of which stars Jason Bateman. Who I adore (even though I never got around to watching Arrested Development). It's called...The Jake Effect. Because what ELSE can you call it? Jakes make me weak in the knees. Jason Bateman playing the hottie ex-lawyer high school teacher makes me weak in the somewhere else. He doesn't even need a guitar-as-phallus-substitute.

I'm waiting to see if he gets Jaked. Because that would be overwhelmingly hot. In fact, it might be too much.

Fine, I'll just enjoy what I can get. From eye-fucking him.