I'm Quickly Going Insane
Or maybe I'm already there? It’s a little difficult to tell. Mostly because my memory, though improving, still isn’t 100% functional. And probably never will be. Just chalk it up to being part of my charm. I’m memory-impaired. But cute.
What I would like, instead of going crazy, is:
- For people to stop dying. If not everyone (because hi, global overcrowding), then at least people that I might know. It does awful things to me, like make me question my decisions. And once I remind myself that my life, though not perfect, is pretty damn near semi-charmed (sorry, I had to), then I start worrying about how much longer it’s going to last. So everyone I know, please quit it already with the dying. Thanks.
- For bitter love songs to stop making sense to me. Okay, I admit it, I’m a little bitter that the last 5 months of my life feel like a huge waste of time. But it was only FIVE freakin’ months! I’ve been on this planet a lot longer than that, so 5 measly months should be of zero consequence. Really, enough already. I’ve already lost patience with myself.
- For rhinestones to just disappear. Let’s pretend we never knew that fake shinies ever existed. Because they are on the brink of taking over the world. They’re everywhere, from clothing to accessories, to…okay, maybe I’ve been spending too much time on the retail circuit. But seriously, kids. Remember how ridiculous Tana looked bedazzling t-shirts on The Apprentice? Rhinestone-embellished clothing and sunglasses and wallets and cellphones look just as stupid. I don’t care that the 80s are supposedly coming back. I reject it all. Totally.
- To better learn to manage my money. I have way too many credit cards, each with its own absurdly high limit. It seems that creditors love me, because anytime I put more than $10 on any credit card, they immediately reward me with an additional $5000 worth of credit. Which I gladly accept. And then what? I’m in debt some more. It’s a vicious cycle. But I just can’t seem to stop. It’s a disease! Today, the stamp machine ate my 39 cents and didn’t dispense a stamp. But as there were 87 people in line, I didn’t want to become one of those “hey, I need a stamp, the machine ate my money, OMG!!!” customers screaming at the postal employees who don’t give a fuck anyway, because hi, 87 people and they just want to go home with their government benefits and spend their government money and maybe splurge on a semi-automatic weapon and come back tomorrow and take out those 87 people and one crazy Puerto Rican chick screaming about her 39 cents because who the fuck cares about 39 fucking cents?! Post offices are dangerous places. Don’t hang out there. In the meantime, I’m out 39 cents. So I didn’t buy groceries. Because, you know, 39 cents really impacted my ability to do so.
Okay, you see where I suddenly went all psycho in that last paragraph? I was musing about why I have so much credit, when all of a sudden, boom! I'm bitching about why I couldn't put a stamp on an envelope I should have mailed last week.
So. I’m a lot crazy. Again, it’s all charming. It’s true because I said so.
2 comments:
i'd like to congratulate you on the ability to leave the high school environment that is myspace. i also would like to remind you of something you wrote about toward the end of last year (yeah, the alcohol problem has yet to affect my long term memory); you said you had planned on living poorly this year so that you could begin to cut into your debt. you seemed very encouraged and self-confident that that is what was going to happen. don't let a larger credit limit blur your vision and previous goals. you know there's always a hot meal waiting for you at 1610! if nothing else, you could use that larger limit to by a bedazzler and start selling that beautiful merchandise at the swap meet. i look forward to reading more and promise to link to you when swedish gets off his lazy ass and helps me finish my site.
Yes, yes. I clearly remember what I wrote. And I'm making progress, I swear! But a girl is allowed a certain amount of indulgence when the world gets all shaken up. At least I'm not sitting on the couch wallowing and crying my eyes out while devouring gallons of ice cream, right?
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