Because There is No Santa Claus

I am not cut out to be a mom. Saying that out loud in mixed company is akin to admitting you're into S&M. It's so contrary to what is "right" that people have difficulty figuring you out.

Well, I'm not really into the whips and chains scene, but I know people who are and that's okay. I am, however, selfish and impatient and people like that should not have kids. Why risk disaster?

And unless something extraordinary happens in the next few years, I won't have to worry about second-guessing that decision. In fact, I'm doing society at large a favor. We're on an overcrowded planet and some bumpkins in the South are having 16 kids? Goddamn morons.

I realized just how strongly I feel about this yesterday while playing hide-n-seek with my niece and nephew. They couldn't find me, so I told them I had been in the tiny mailboxes in the side of the building. But, being incredibly intelligent (they've got my genes, after all!), they saw right through my ruse. And I couldn't keep it up either. I just couldn't lie to them. Which led me to wonder, what am I going to say when they ask about Santa and/or the Tooth Fairy?

Answer? "Go ask your mom." They're not my kids, it's not my problem.

And that is a very lovely, comforting thought.