Buried Treasure

It's amazing what randomness you'll come across in the midst of packing. There are movies I didn't realize I even owned, forgotten portaits of a certain Krazy Mommy we took for her husband back when they were first dating, and just now, an interesting trip through the memories of an old fling.

It was August 19, 2004 and between the hours of 3 and 5 pm we engaged in an incredibly filthy email chain that spans 5 pages.

I'm getting a little hot just reading back through it. He was dirty in the best of ways and I adored him. With blond hair and blue eyes, he was the exact opposite of my usual prey, but the moment I set eyes on him it was all over for me. He spoke Swedish, French and English. Man, I loved that accent. The one he refused to admit he had.

That was a fun summer.

He's back in Sweden now. I'd practically forgotten all about him. Until now. As I was rifling through old papers, ready to throw them all away.

I think I'll hang on to this one for a little longer, though. Never know when you'll need a good read.

Free Gifts

I received an iPod Shuffle from a client today. An early Xmas present. Everyone say "aww" all at once.

I already have an iPod Nano. So what should I do with the Shuffle?

Maybe I'll raffle it off in a future Exxy game.

Be on the lookout!

Americans are Fucking Retarded

I am truly embarrassed by the citizens of this country. This is worse than what the Tonight Show captures on their Jay-Walking segments:



The religion of Israel is Catholic? How about Muslim? Australia mistaken for Iran? Hiroshima known for its Judo-wrestling? We had 3 world wars? That was my favorite. Mostly because it was said by a guy old enough to have lived through both world wars.

How fucking stupid are we???

My head hurts.

November by the Numbers

Sorry for the delay. There was a bit of disappointment over the weekend that led to my boyfriend Karl Dorrell losing his job. So sad. Part of the fun of watching the games was to catch him in that blue polo.

L'sigh.

Other things that happened recently:

1 football-themed bridal shower

100 dollars spent splitting the cost of said shower

1 wedding
12 coworkers sitting around the bar
13 dollars for one drink
3 birthdays
68 combined years celebrated
2-day celebration for the G-brat
700 people celebrating the life of a departed bench officer
33,000 dollars spent on food
1 birthday completely forgotten due to overwhelming work stress
11 days before I remembered
75 minutes spent with the birthday boy
0 mentions of his missed birthday
1 discovery about his unnecessary untruths
12 days spent on stomach drugs
168 pills ingested in that time
3 days of unfortunate side effects
0 alcoholic beverages during that time
1 gas leak
5 restaurant workers oblivious to the leak
1 massive headache
5 sushi dinners
1 very delighted sushi-stuffed GPG

Committed to the Cause

I drive past Sony studios every day on my way to work. The strikers have been out, diligently doing their picketing, while talking heads think about sitting around a table and hammering out a pact. Get everyone back to work already.

There's a group of them that congregate near the western end of the studio lot. Maybe 7 or 8. I honk each time I pass. It doesn't cost me anything. Gotta fight the good fight.

And then there's always the lone figure, slowly limping past one small gate. There's a sign against her shoulder and a cane at her side. Quiet, solitary, back and forth. I wonder what happened to her. She isn't that old, maybe 40. Why the cane? And why is she alone at the gate when a larger group is just down the way?

Regardless, she's there. Every single day.

When the Rose-Colored Glasses Break

I like to take people at face value. I'm not gullible, but I want to believe the best of people. Especially if that's what I think they're presenting to me.

But earlier this evening I was perplexed by a discovery I made about someone I care for quite deeply and thought I knew quite well. I'm confounded because it goes directly against everything he's purported to desire. But I guess it doesn't change my opinion of him too much. Only because I know this doesn't impact how he feels about me, our friendship, or any of that important stuff. In fact, it only goes to prove that he's human, too.

That's a comfort.

Still, I wonder how much I'm glossing over in other areas of my life. How many truths am I missing, misinterpreting, or just plain ignoring? I honestly don't know.

But since I'm a 58-year-old man with awesome boobs only pretending to be a 29.5 year old woman with awesome boobs, what do you expect?

I do wish I'd had this secret knowledge about my friend when I saw him this weekend, though. I would probably have called him on his shit. Or at least not swallowed it whole. Because if he wants me to believe one thing, clearly there's a part of him that wants it to be true.

It's too bad we work so hard to hide our true selves.

How to Shop Successfully

Over the weekend I came away with the biggest steal I never imagined. If you want to be a master consumer, do as follows:

1. Drive under an overcast sky and realize you left your cheapie sunglasses at home.
2. Pass by a Ross Store.
3. Become enticed by the prospect of more cheapie sunglasses.
4. Brave a crowded parking lot and holiday shopping crowds at said Ross.
5. Enter Ross.
6. Immediately find 4 pairs of sunglasses that fit the bill.
7. Fall in love with the pair that has no price tag.
8. Decide on two pairs and assume they're both the same non-designer brand.
9. Stand in tiredest looking cashier's line who will ring up both for $6.99.
10. Drive on with hip, supposedly-cheapie sunglasses.
11. The next day, show off really cute sunglasses with coworkers.
12. Have coworker inquire as to brand of sunglasses since they appear designer.
13. Scoff at her because your find is clearly non-designer and cheapie!
14. Check sunglasses and realize they're actually made by Michael Kors.
15. Laugh your ass off.

Ross not sell this particularly over-priced brand of accessories. Someone must have left them by accident and, like an idiot, I assumed they were merchandise. My question is, if you can afford to throw away $200 on non-prescription shades, why are you shopping at Affordable Knock-off Central?

Whatever the reason, thanks!

Ninnies on the Road

This post has absolutely no importance. It is solely to ridicule a car I saw on the road this morning.

There I was, minding my own business today, when I saw this:

I've dubbed it the car for a guy who wants a Honda Civic, but can afford an Audi.

Why else would you drive this car? It's like having a BMW station wagon solely because the X5 is too high off the ground.

In other words: lame.

News from the West

Seems the fire season wasn't quite over yet. Just one day after newscasters warned of fire-friendly conditions, Malibu was once again on fire.

Whoever is trying to burn down Britney Spears' home really needs to just throw a Molotov cocktail through her front window and leave the surrounding areas alone. Flea lost his house. That sucks. It also sucks that my cousin, a fireman, is stuck working these senseless fires. Yeah, it's his job and all, but creating unnecessary dangers in simply ridiculous. People are risking their lives out there for this. It drives me crazy.

Bad pun. Sorry.

Hope you all had a good turkey-grubbing day. For all non-Americans, I hope the weekend passed with your teams winning, whatever they were.

We are T-6 days until the big LA game! Can we pull off another win? Cynics say no. Fuck them, that's what I say!

Don't Trust the Internets

The one thing a person should not do, should they find themselves sick in bed on a Friday night, is search the world o' tubes for possible explanations to said sickness.

That aches in my chest and back every time I cough, and the accompanying swollen glands in my throat, are probably not a serious reaction to my billion and one meds for stomach ailments.

The doctor told me that the pharmacist was probably going to be nervous about giving me metronidazole and tetracycline together. As I peruse Wikipedia, I can see why. The relevant info:

Cautions, contraindications, side effects
1. Inactivated by Ca2+ ion, not advised to be taken with milk or yogurt
2. Inactivated by aluminium, iron and zinc, not to be taken at the same time as indigestion remedies
3. Inactivated by common antacids and over the counter heart burn medicines.
4. Drug-induced lupus, and hepatitis
5. When used for acne vulgaris, skin can be extremely dry and flaky if overused.

In order to avoid a possible yeast infection, I've been instructed to eat yogurt. Along with these to antibiotics, I was prescribed an antacid that also helps with indigestion. As well as a liberal dosing of bismuth (aka Pepto Bismal). All of this 4 times daily.

And the skin on my forehead is flaky. So pretty.

On top of that, I could get lupus or hepatitis? WHAT THE HELL???

But at least it doesn't state anywhere that I'll end up with flu-like symptoms. So that must be completely independent of the many synthetic remedies ruining my stomach bacteria.

Both antibiotics also may cause dizziness, nausea and fatigue. Which I've got in spades. So is that due to the impending upper respiratory malady, or just meds?

I've got an afternoon date with a certain man tomorrow, and only 2 more days before I go back to work...doing crap like employee reviews. Though it'll probably be a lot easier to tell people they suck at their jobs if I just don't give a shit, right?

The Thanksgiving Incident

In case you somehow missed the multiple references, I'm Puerto Rican on my father's side, Mexican on my mother's. It's a very lovely combination. And a trend started by my dad: 3 of the Puerto Rican men in the family are married to Mexican women. My baby brother is the only one breaking rank by marrying an Indian...who loves Mexican food and has a mouth on her, so she fits right in.

Few of the family lives in LA: only 4 of my cousins on the PR side. And we all get together on family occasions. About 20 people. It's not huge, but it's fun.

This led to a bit of an issue on tonight...our very well-to-do cousin graciously invited the clan over to his 3.2 million dollar Hancock Park home. Their 10-week old child had not yet been allowed outside, and they kept him locked in the ivory tower that was his nursery. There were to be no tours of the new home, lest the baby be exposed to unclean air (the night nurse and nanny tended to him in the background). This in and of itself was weird, but new parents can be overprotective, so everyone let it go.

Like most large families, we're rambunctious, we're jovial, and we love on each other quite boisterously. My cousin and his lovely bride know this, having attended many a family function. Her own Sri Lankan family matched pace with us at their wedding. It was a ball.

But when they politely called the Thanksgiving celebration to an early end because they just couldn't deal with the commotion that is children chasing one another in the yard, or a discussion on how Mexican women are hard to handle, this did not go over well.

You don't invite 20 Puerto Ricans over for a large dinner and expect them to be "quiet." Actually, I don't think you invite ANY 20 people over for a meal, offer them a LOT of wine, and expect docile behavior. That's pure stupidity. My cousin and his wife, with their Wharton degrees and huge mansion, are pretty damn dumb to think this was going to be a quiet dinner party.

Needless to say, this left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. No one is too keen on the couple anymore. We like our family gatherings less formal. Thanksgiving has traditionally been at my parents' house, so this year, not only were we cheated out of the comfortable setting, but also the leftovers!

But in the end, we're still family. Even if this particular contingent is a little different, they're still loved.

Though they probably won't be invited to many family gatherings for a while.

Overheard during Dessert

Monsieur's gift arrived today. I was so excited, I had to try it on. It's big in the exact perfect way a boyfriend's jacket is supposed to be. And the leather is so very soft.

I'm going to have a hard time not giving it to him for a month. But then it was time to talk about my present, so we had the following conversation over coconut creme brule:

GPG: I got your Xmas present today. It's so fucking cool.

Him: You did?

GPG: What, are we not doing that?

Him: Of course we are.

GPG: Okay good. Because you know what I want? *pulls out Blackberry to show him the website*

Him: Is that a diamond ring?

GPG: No, of course not!

Him: Is it appropriate to be telling me what to get you?

GPG: I'm trying to save you the trouble of figuring out what to get me.

Him: I've never had a problem figuring out what to buy women.

GPG: Really? I wouldn't know that because I've never received a gift from you.

At which point he got my dazzling smile. He just laughed.

GPG: I'm kind of obsessed with that ring. And I think I deserve it.

Him: You definitely deserve it. That, and so much more. That's just the beginning.

At which point he gave me his dazzling smile. I went back to my brule blushing slightly.

I seriously can't wait until Xmas!!!

Maybe I'll go buy him something else too...god, I'm such a girl.