Danger on the Horizon

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time you have learned two things:

1. I have curly hair, and

2. I'm an absolutely unapologetic and thoroughly spoiled brat when it comes to my birthday (the KM and Princess will tell you stories).

Given that, the planning for said curly-haired birthday celebrations starts as early in the year as possible. Because the date of my birth was monumentous and must be observed with all the reverence such an event commands.

That, and I really just love parties. Especially in my honor.

Everyone knows this. The girls keep the countdown starting about a month out.

May 10th. It's a blessed day.

But in 2007, for the first time in 29 years, we might run into some trouble. Because of the newly employed torture device known as the minimum 50-hour/7-day work week, there may not be enough hours in the day, much less a month, to do this event justice.

You might question why I worry about these things when the date is over 4 months away. Well, a glimpse into the first two weeks of May might give you some insight.

In my personal life, we will be celebrating my mother's birthday, my nephew's birthday, my cousin's birthday AND Mother's day in the first 14 days. Also in that time span, I will be hosting a large-scale function for the local tax lawyers, responsible for a weekend conference in San Diego, a ceremony honoring a federal judge's lifetime achievement, and quite possibly working a program at the Biltmore Hotel on the very holiest of nights: my actual birthday.

Attendance for all these programs number in the hundreds.

The latter half of May will be spent sweating over more award functions and dinners for the state Supreme Court. If and when I finally get a break, will I even have the energy to celebrate?

This is a gianormous dilemma. Where is my clone when I need her?

Got Doppelgänger?

Apparently I, and a few of my kiddies, do.

It started last weekend when I heard my niece and nephew ran into me at the mall. Except it wasn't me. They were confused as to why this girl they were convinced was their auntie was not overjoyed and smothering them with kisses upon seeing them in public (per usual). Their nanny actually brought them over to this mystery woman to prove to them she was just a poor substitute. The girl said she'd heard about me, and it wasn't the first time she'd been mistaken for me.

I still have no idea who this girl is. But I wonder why the hell she isn't doing her part to keep me sane. Bitch.

Then today, minding the lawyers while the Chairman of the SEC was giving a groundbreaking keynote speech, I ran into who I thought was Sanction's drummer. Except, he's not an attorney. But there he was, in a grey suit. Except it wasn't him. It was his Grey-suited Lawyerly Look-a-like.

Scary.

Again, minding my own business and standing in a large hall at the Biltmore, brown-haired Will came up to me and asked where he could buy dental floss. Suffering from lack of sleep and OD'd on hotel food, I dumbly stared at the man who could be The Boy, if only he were blond. I'm still convinced he dyed his hair as a result of his anger at Jesus for the Mets losing, happened to be in the my hotel for no reason whatsoever, and asked the one person he recognized for assistance.

Sweetie, please stop stalking me.

I desperately need sleep. Maybe then I'll stop seeing things.

But if anyone finds that chick who could be me but isn't, please bring her to me right quick. She and I are gonna have words. Then she's picking up the slack.

Now Hiring: A Few Good Clones

I had a mini “oh-shit” moment earlier today when I realized how crazy my life is about to become. I entertain you now with a peek at the next 3 weeks of my life:

Oct 13 - 5:30P - Eye Appt @ Marina del Rey
Oct 13 - 6:30P - Rehearsal Dinner @ Malibu
Oct 14 - 4:30P - Cousin's Wedding @ Malibu
Oct 14 - 6:30P - Pre-Run Pasta Dinner @ Queen Mary
Oct 15 - 7:00A - Long Beach Half Marathon @ Long Beach Civic Center
Oct 16 - 5:00P - Post-Run Celebration @ Joxer Daly's
Oct 17 - 6:30P - Event Planning Forum @ Paramount Studios
Oct 19 - 6:30P - Photo Shoot @ Los Angeles
Oct 20 - 7:00A - Legal Seminar @ Biltmore Hotel
Oct 21 - 4:30P - "Dinah" Photo Shoot @ San Francisco
Oct 22 - 8:00A - Nike Women's Marathon @ San Francisco
Oct 26 - 6:30P - Cocktail Party @ French 75
Oct 27 - 8:00P - Knott's Scary Farm!! @ Knott's
Oct 28 - 10:00A - Photo Shoot 1 @ Santa Monica
Oct 28 - 2:00P - Photo Shoot 2 @ Culver City
Oct 28 - 10:00P - Halloween Party @ Venice
Oct 31 - 8:00P - WeHo Parade @ West Hollywood
Nov 3 - 7:00P - Bouncing Souls @ House of Blues

Yeah, I’m a busy person normally, but this is retarded. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do this all by myself--some of these things require me to be in two places at once. And this schedule doesn't take into account all the nights I'm working late trying to make marketing deadlines.

Forget about having a fulltime job, when am I supposed to go get a haircut? Or a Halloween costume? This goes way beyond needing a mere personal assistant. What I clearly need is a second GPG to fulfill all my obligations, if not a third and fourth too.

So I'm willing to share this fabulously over-committed life of mine with anyone willing to pick up my slack. You can get my eyes checked, my hair cut, pick out a cool costume...hell, even come to SF with me to cover the marathon while I lounge in C-dub's guest room with her cat. In the meantime, I'll take care of the 9 to 5, Long Beach, and all the other fun stuff. Like Halloween!!

To apply, please list your qualifications in the comments. Applicants must be witty, socially adept, able to handle a 20D, and look good in a cocktail dress. Because the one thing I desperately need a pinch-hitter for is at least one of the familial obligations this weekend. The rest should be cake.

I hope.