Knowing When to Say When
Interventions are never easy, regardless of what they're for: alcohol, drugs, or an obsession with mullets/Nickelback/garden gnomes. They're frustrating, painful, and no one really wants to be there but it's the "right thing to do." So here's a quickie guide on how to stage one:
1. Don't pretend you're not there to kick emotional ass. Luring the offending party in under false pretenses is only going to make them angrier than necessary. Because lets face it, they're going to be pretty fucking pissed at you anyway. Why make it worse? You can, however, ply them with alcohol. Especially if the person in question is an alcoholic.
2. Get restraints (not like the kind Jack & Exile want to put on my bed). You'll need this to tie the subject down so they don't run away. It will also make it easier to TASER (tm) them into submission. Electrified cattle prods are also useful, if you can't find a TASER (tm). You don't want the person getting loose and possibly killing you so they can sell your kidneys on the black market for quick money to further feed their addiction. That's a "bad thing" and contrary to your "mission."
3. Use "feeling" statements to avoid further antagonizing the subject. Saying "we feel you're an asshole" as opposed to simply calling the person an asshole is a much gentler approach to the truth. In the end, they will appreciate your tact.
4. Don't pull any punches. The person needs to know the full extent of how dangerous they have become to themselves and others. Keep in mind that addicts are completely indifferent to the disasters they create. They don't care, so someone has to. Make them feel the pain they have caused. Liberal use of the cattle prod is not discouraged.
5. Don't quit until you have driven your point deep into the person's cranium. This could conceivably take a lifetime because some people are not ready to change, and you can't really force them to. Unless you are willing to keep them restrained and periodically electrocuted.
Interventions are no laughing matter. Do not undertake unless you are serious about the work involved. Because Nickelback seriously needs to go away.
6 comments:
Excellent post exo
my pal Illidge once took his brother-in-law, stripped him and taped him up to a street sign in front of his house with a pair of scissors on a string around his neck.
It wasn't an intervention though, Illidge just doesn't like his brother-in-law
Thanks, SJ. And I like how Illidge thinks. Sometimes extreme actions are funny (for those of us watching from the outside, of course).
the problem i find with interventions is tht if the person you're "interveining" with is really close to you they have enough dirt to fight back.
Thick skin, my friend. You need thick skin. Or a diving suit.
Hah, Nickelback. They just released an album, didn't they?
Apparently, after making a pact with the Dark Lord, Satan, yes. Because the pussy rock stations are playing them nonstop and it hurts my head and makes me stabby.
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