I Still Love Donuts!

And I refuse to apologize for it.

Find me on Twitter if you want to know how I celebrated La Ria's birthday by wearing the big girl lipstick.

Happy birthday, Ria!!!

Delectable Treats

Very soon, I'm going to start documenting the hijinx that have ensued from the Dating 2.0 experiment.  Like how I ended up on a date with an angry gay man.

I do NOT recommend it.

But till then, I have a new love to tell you about: crumb doughnuts.  They're my new guilty pleasure.  I cannot get enough of them.  And they give me heartburn, but I don't care because they're so damn good.

For conquering the US Bank Tower on Friday, my parents bought me a box.  We had them for dinner.  They pair perfectly with a little rosé.  I'm going to have one for breakfast tomorrow.  And there's nothing you can do to stop me!

Mmm, doughnuts.

Woo!

My baby brother has a new identity.  He's The Nameless One at The Chronicles of WTF.  Yay!!!

Expect to read a lot about people who can't spell.  It's just what makes the grammar nazis in all of us cringe in horror.  Exciting!

And now I must go to sleep because tomorrow I am climbing the tallest building in America west of the Mississisppi.

Wish me luck.  And go read my baby brother's blog.

Overheard in the Family #20

My brother came to visit last weekend.  Over dinner one night, my mom was trying to feed Baby Aladdin, who can be a little bit of a pain in the ass at dinner time:

Dad: Hey, don't you want to eat your rice? *acts like a gorilla*

Baby Aladdin laughed and then asked for more green beans.

Baby Aladdin: Beeeees!

To continue entertaining him, my father started acting like Frankenstein while my baby brother gorged his ass on donut holes.

Later on, my baby brother played basketball with a huge beach ball and pretended he was any good at it. 

GPG: You're retarded.  *gets hit with a ball*

Angry Little Men

My third cocktail party of the week was held at the Elevate Lounge, 21 floors above downtown.  Despite my intention to lay off drinking until next week's Stair Climb, there was an open bar.  But it wasn't until I stood there talking about scotch with a client that I absolutely had to have some.  And damn, was it good.

It also completely squelched my fatigue.  I've been feeling like hell lately.  Maybe because I was at THREE parties in the last 7 days.  All work-related.  My life is hard.

One glass of scotch, 5 glasses of water.  One of which the bartender accidently spilled on me.  Thank god I wasn't wearing white.  Then we started making jokes about getting wet.  It was funny.  He's a good bartender.  Except for the "accidental" dropsies.

I'd go back to if the valet wasn't such an jerk.  Look, I can park my own car.  And I usually will, unless there is absolutely no parking around.  But the entrance to the club's building is down an alley, across from an empty parking structure.  You think I can't find my own space 20 feet from the door?  Why should I have to pay someone 7 bucks to do it for me?  Unfortunately, the answer is yes.  They won't let you self-park.  And the guy is always rude to me.  So I refuse to tip him.  It almost makes me never want to go back.

It's really too bad.  Because that bartender was really cool.

Trannies, Trannies EVERYWHERE

I was only half-joking about the tranny sitting next to me at the airport.  She could have very well been a woman.

Just an not attractive one.

I was definitely not joking about the tranny at lunch today.  She was sitting at the table directly across from me.  Dressed as a woman with a 5 o'clock shadow.  It was NOT pretty. 

The story went out via Twitter.  Find me there when I'm not here.  Which is pretty often these days.

The real question is why am I suddenly seeing she-males everywhere?  It's like they're coming out in droves!  So eenteresting.

Back at the Ranch

The checklist before the weekend:
1. New boy earning further dating adventures and, by extenstion, a nickname

2. Find job leads at the conference

Things I learned during my weekend in Tucson:
1. Drinking is a very important part of networking.  Because when under the influence of Lagavulin 16, you will agree to serve on committees that will eat up all your valuable and precious little free time.  And said committees will not only greatly enhance your resume, they will also put you in closer contact with the perfect people to help steer your career.

2. The boys are all gay, and you will end up watching football with women.  All of who individually know more about it than all the boys combined.

3. A flight delay means more time to watch football with said women, all of whom are invaluable career resources.

4. Football is also a very important part of networking.

So while the trip was exceptionally successful, the boy has not yet earned himself a nickname.  But that's more his problem than mine.

Off to the Grand Canyon State

I just finished packing for my weekend trip to Tucson.  And I found a pair of undies in my overnight bag (which doubles as my "smaller" carry-on).  Which makes me wonder who I visited last I used said bag...

There will be a breakfast before departure.  We'll see if he earns a nickname eventually. 

In the meantime, enjoy your weekend while I party in the desert with a cadre of event planners.  Maybe I'll come back with job leads.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Identity Crisis

I've spent the last 30 years of my life believing I am a unique person.  One with a slightly unusual name.  It's not outright odd but definitely far from common.  Both first and last.

So imagine my surprise when a little girl on Facebook turns up with my EXACT SAME NAME.  A 15 year old child with a main image that makes her look only slightly a lot like a whore.  This is one of the many reasons why Facebook is evil.

Do a Google search for me and she's the 3rd listing on the page.  I, of course, had to befriend her.  She is, after all, my cousin.  I know this because our last name stretches out of one solitary family tree.  The geneologists say so.

It's very odd to see updates from me that aren't about me.  "Ghetto Photo Girl commented on Random Person's photo."  No I didn't.  "Ghetto Photo Girl is a fan of Some Weird Group."  No I'm not.

It's fucking crazy.  30 entire years meeting only ONE other person with my same first name.  ONE.  And now, this.  It's not like my name is Jane Smith.  Or Maria Lopez/Gomez/Gonzalez/*insert common Spanish name here.*

Not that this in any way changes who I am.  I just have to make sure that if any potential employers are cyber stalking me, they recognize that the little girl with the straight hair and booty shorts isn't me.  I'm the one with the curly hair.

Duh.

New Funnies

Ha.


See more at my favorite new cartoon blog Urf: A Grave New World.

Morphing Into a Family Newsletter

It was a glorious weekend, by mere virtue of the fact that the football season finally kicked off and my baby brother was in town.  With his son, who we taught to throw his arms up whenever we yell touchdown. 

I also was at an alumni event to which we invited all the incoming students.  The first of who showed up was a grammar nazi.  She was awesome.

And the Saints won, so Monsieur was very happy.  It only took me 15 minutes to get down the 405 to watch the game, and that made me very happy.

But the funniest part of the weekend, was the fact that now my family members are sending me stories specifically to be posted on this here blog.  Apparently my mom took her three grandkids for a walk this morning, and as they were crossing the street, a woman attempted to run them down while she made a left turn.  Imagine this: a late-40s woman pushing a stroller with a 5 and 6 year old in tow.  And a bitch in a Honda impatiently nudging them with her bumper because--this is fantastic--she was late for church.

I really wish this story ended with my mother bitching the woman out.  But it doesn't.  She did, however, get to teach her grandchildren a bit about hypocrisy.  So I guess it wasn't all for naught.

Cream of the Crop

Online dating is absolutely magical.  You single people out there, have you tried this yet?  It's awesome.

Here's why:

Before I go out with someone, he has to write me an email.  Lets repeat: he has to WRITE to me.  It's the perfect vetting system for the grammar nazi in me.

I really love this new social networking world.  Dating 2.0.  It's rad.

Back to Work

My vacation is officially over.  Tomorrow I get a day full of meetings, in-fighting, and other crap about which I could really not care less.  L'sigh.

There's another job in San Francisco which is looking very attractive.

The best thing about the last seven days was all the great stuff I packed into them.  Like smacking my head on a machine at the gym today.  Or the privilege of scraping my leg on a Kelly Wearstler chair last night.  I am, after all, a klutz extraordinaire!  And I'm continuing my trend from last month where I will bowl, cheerlead, date, network, drink, volunteer or tweet with reckless abandon just to make the hours between 8 am and 5 pm bearable.

Thankfully, the day will end with a cocktail party AND a Giants game.  I love me some Eli Manning.  While I drink scotch.

August by the Numbers

I think I've figured out a way to keep the days from flying by: schedule every single minute of my natural, waking life, and then I'll feel like I've actually done something with my time.  It's...awesome?  And oh-so-tiring, but in a kind of good way.


7 entire days with NOTHING scheduled
24 days packed with too many activities to count
6 candidates interviewed
2 candidates hired
13 site visits
1st visit ever to the USC campus
1 run-in with Ben Affleck
3 weekends with my baby brother
4 evenings with a certain man
1 declaration of love to avoid answering a pointed question about my faults
3 seconds of laughing before forcing him to answer
2 hours at the Bodyworlds exhibit
10 weeks of fetus development displayed
1 cross section of an obese individual
300 pound body
4 full inches of fat under the surface
16 days experimenting with online dating
59 emails received on the first day
4 first dates
3 throwaways
1 worth making out with, despite not liking sports or meat
2 alumni events
5 Belgian beers sampled
3 glasses of Duchess de Bourgogne
1 new love affair begun
1 night bowling
1 frame bowled
0 "pinz" knocked down
1 imposter named "Bill" made an honorary alumnus
3 networking events
3 more avenues for job searches
2 concerts in the park with my parents
32 years of wedded bliss reached by them
6 wines sampled in celebration
12 Puerto Ricans tasting wine
1 very noisy room
100 dollars spent on wine
130 dollars spent on cheese
3 days of vacation enjoyed
28 points between LSU and Appalachian State
45 points between USC and Virginia
1 glorious Saturday spent glued to ESPN, hailing the beginning of the college football season